Peace Window

How do you help your kids learn to manage their own conflict? I've heard of several options - the tattle jar, comment bucket, read-alouds, etc. I like those, but I've found that they sometimes enhance the problem, if that makes sense - they allow the child to "tattle" and expect that the adult will handle it without having to think through the situation on their own.

We use something called a peace window - based on the Montessori idea of a peace table.  Ours has a different name because I ran out of room to put an actual peace table ... so I grabbed some window markers and off we went!

The concept is simple; there are only a few rules:

• You have to go to the peace window if you're invited, but you can't invite someone in the middle of a lesson - only during group or individual work time (or play time). 
• The person who did the inviting starts, and you can't interrupt. 
• You  start by saying, "When you ______, I felt _______." 
• The other person can explain their side.
• Then you have to use the sentence started, "I'd like ______," and tell the other person what will resolve the situation from your perspective. The other person is free to accept or try to compromise. 

It has made a HUGE difference in my kids. It took a lot of modeling and practicing our conversations, but now they leave me out of most situations, and I only get called in if a compromise isn't able to be reached, or if things are getting heated. I'd say 90% of the class uses it judiciously and 10% still needs me there for most conversations. That's a big improvement over the beginning of the year when I heard, "Ms. BBZ, he/she _____" ... all. day. long!